What really should I do?

When I am in a bad mood, I will think a lot and feel to write something...
Just a boy can make me depress and dispirited...
Already a long period, I always think I already put him down...
Every time, I broke my own promise...
I force myself don't want to think about him, I blame myself why will like this?
I am very useless...
Very very useless...
I need a friend, but I can't found a soul mate to talk...
Do I so pity? I think is...
Still have 3 days, we broke up 4 months already...
He now having a sweet love with his now days girlfriend...
Already 3 months something...
Means I really disappear in his heart already...
I felt myself very helpless, my tears drop again and again...
Who?
Who really can help me escape from this pain?
I need to find a person, as he really can help me...
As he is my true love...
But now I don't have the mind to looking for love...
I have a boy after him, when I looking at him, I felt like to run...
Run until I can't found his shadow...
I scare, I scare about love...
I scare about love after I lost him!
I cried! After in a relationship with a person which is I don't love him any!
Every night!
I feel apologize, for that boy...
What really should I do?